Grader’s Will Zhou
Grading Scheme – Final Essay
Part A: Generalability to develop a personal perspective on the history oftechnology
Ability todevelop a subtle thesis answer to a focused and narrow researchquestion – 6/10 points
Ability todevelop convincing ARGUMENT in support of a specific THESIS – 12/20
Total for Part A– 18/30 points
Part B:Communicate effectively in academic written documents
Precision andclarity of the expression (including grammar, punctuation, spelling)– 14.5/15 points
Structure of thetext – 4/5 points
Total for Part B– 18.5/20 points
Part C: Abilityto properly use information sources
Ability to FINDand USE reliable academic resources – 8.5/10 points
Ability toproperly use a citation style – 3/5 points
Total for Part C – 11.5/15 points
Total Sum = 48/65points
The paperdiscusses the essential role played by radar and its influence duringthe battle of Britain. The essay outlines the merits of bothdetection radar and the fire control radar. The British forces ablydeployed radar systems in World War II. The RAF installed large radarsystems to provide early warnings to the airborne attacks of Germanforces. The essay also shows the capability of the radar system inproviding night-time air defense.
The essay hasbeen graded with 48 out of 65 points. The greatest strength of theessay lies in the precision and clarity in how ideas are expressed.The tone and style befit the selected topic. The thesis statement andresearch question are unclear. The research topic is also broad sinceradar technology has been used in a variety of ways, even within amilitary setting. Besides, the thesis statement does not provide aquestion that leads to an argument. The last statement of theintroduction merely mentions how both types of radar were used by theRAF during the Battle of Britain. Furthermore, the thesis does notcover the pertinent issues discussed in the essay. In this case, Igave the article 6/10 points on thesis.
The work also haspoor argumentation stemming from an unclear thesis statement. Theresearch topic is neither interesting nor important. The ideaspresented portray a superficial description of the relation betweentechnology and society. Besides, the claims made by the paper arevague. In consideration of this, I gave the essay 12/20 points onargument.
The precision andclarity of the essay are fairly good. (14.5/15 points) The majorityof the essay is fluent owing to use of proper grammar and diction.However, few errors can be seen in the form of missing commas andwrong tenses. The structure of the essay is superb. (4/5 points).Ideas in the essay flow logically. Each paragraph has a topicsentence which makes it easy to follow the argument presented in theessay. However, the essay has no subheadings to calibrate thedifferent sections. This makes it difficult to make quickidentification of needed facts.
The essayprovides a sufficient number of academic sources to validate itsargument. (8.5/10 points) The topic selected required an in-depthconsideration of radar technology, World War II, and the Battle ofBritain. It is noteworthy that the article includes all the relevantresources. Besides, the essay makes sparing use of quotations. Thisallows for majority use of personal opinion and argumentation.Nevertheless, the resources are used poorly in the last sections ofthe essay. The citation style used in the essay is quite appropriate.(3/5 points). However, the in-text citations are consistentlymisplaced after the full stop rather than within the sentence.
As discussed, the essay can be improved in various ways. Firstly,minor grammatical errors and poor tenses need to be amended.Appropriate subheadings should also be highlighted to help in quicklocation of ideas. This will help to improve the flow of ideas in theessay.